Book Review: Losing A Spouse: A Widower's Way by Dennis Disselkoen

 

Contemplating the death of one's wife is such a difficult thing to do. Perhaps more so if it is somewhat imminent. Watching the life slowly or quickly ebb away can be so overwhelming. A husband may ask, "What can I do?", "What should I do?" "What about all the things she did to keep our marriage humming along?" "How will I handle things when she's gone, how will I deal with the loneliness?" Author Dennis Disselkoen has faced these questions and dealt with them out of his own experience. Out of this experience his book, Losing A Spouse: A Widower's Way, was born.

The book is well written, an easy read, and at 186 pages including appendices and index, it is not a lengthy or laborious read. 

Ground level of this book is the experiences over a number of years of the author tending to and caring for his wife. For the reader it addresses a needed perspective on what a husband is or will experience. Full of personal experiences, testimony of interviewees, and practical suggestions I would regard Disselkoen's work as even a necessary read.

As can be seen from some of the chapter titles below, Losing A Spouse: A Widower's Way is comprehensive.

Chapter 1 How this Started

Chapter 3 Wife's Decline

Chapter 4 Time Together

Chapter 5 Hospice

Chapter 6 Final Arrangements

Chapter 8 Visitation and Funeral

Chapter 9 What is Next?

Chapter 11 What Is New

Chapter 12 How Do You Think About Grief

Chapter 13 The Emotional Side

Chapter 14 The Physical Side

Chapter 16 What You Can Do

Chapter 17 What You Should Know

This volume covers it all: grief, anxiety, loneliness, isolation, friends and family responses, funeral arrangements, and much more providing practical advice and sound theological insights.

As a husband who is in the midst of this situation, I found the insights into grief, loneliness, isolation, and dealing with a new normal most helpful and comforting.

I wholeheartedly recommend this book and give it a solid five stars.

The author has graciously provided a copy of this book. Thoughts and opinions are my own. There are paid links on this page.

Dr. Disselkoen has provided a solid bit of writing that should become a source of guidance and reassurance to men who have suffered the loss of their wives, as well as those for whom this bitter loss is imminent. Disselkoen's collected experience - his own and that of the men he interviewed - is reinforced by the expertise of cited sources, giving this book a more durable wisdom than could have been achieved by the more common approach of relying on a single perspective.

Dr. Kriss Wiant, Ph. D., Psychologist

 

Book Review: What Grieving People Wish You Knew about What Really Helps (and What Really Hurts) By Nancy Guthrie

If I had to boil down the message of this entire book to just two words, these two would probably cover it: show up. - Nancy Guthrie

Grieving is a such a painful process. We all handle it differently. Sometimes correctly, sometimes incorrectly. But those around us can have a huge impact on how we process our pain. And those grieving around us are impacted by what we say and do. Often, though well meaning, we can completely mishandle the situation resulting in more pain, frustration and pressure on those who grieve. Nancy Guthrie in here latest, What Grieving People Wish You Knew about What Really Helps (and What Really Hurts), gives a us a look deep inside those who are suffering the pain of losing a friend, family member, or loved one, to death. What should we say, what should we do? Sharing her own experiences of losing two infant children and of those she has surveyed, we see how we can help the grieving in deep and meaningful ways.

Guthrie's style is warm, loving, and on point. Knowing what to say, what to do is usually difficult. No two people grieve in the same way or in the same time frame. Thus, she takes us through the "hows" and "whens" to speak and act at various times and places during the process of grieving. Most importantly, at least to me, what to say and not to say. Common unhelpful phrases and actions are covered and why we should avoid them. Alternatively, encouraging and thoughtful words and actions are suggested. As people grieve, we need to understand that they are not thinking as logically perhaps as we are at the moment. Stuffing scripture down their throats is not always as helpful as we may think. We also can't fix their grieving. It takes time. What many want most is to know that we have come along side them in their grieving and will be there whenever we're needed.

Besides the loads of useful advice, it is well footnoted and has scripture and subject indices. I found this book most helpful. I recommend this to every elder & deacon and to every church library.

This was a difficult read for me. I realized how often I have failed those around me grieving a death. I repeatedly felt the twinge of guilt for mishandling a situation. But this was a necessary read as well. We need to love those around us who are grieving but we often, very often, don't know how. This book is a gift to every Christian to learn how to love those who are grieving.

Crossway has provided a complimentary copy of this book through Beyond the Page.