Book Review: What Grieving People Wish You Knew about What Really Helps (and What Really Hurts) By Nancy Guthrie

If I had to boil down the message of this entire book to just two words, these two would probably cover it: show up. - Nancy Guthrie

Grieving is a such a painful process. We all handle it differently. Sometimes correctly, sometimes incorrectly. But those around us can have a huge impact on how we process our pain. And those grieving around us are impacted by what we say and do. Often, though well meaning, we can completely mishandle the situation resulting in more pain, frustration and pressure on those who grieve. Nancy Guthrie in here latest, What Grieving People Wish You Knew about What Really Helps (and What Really Hurts), gives a us a look deep inside those who are suffering the pain of losing a friend, family member, or loved one, to death. What should we say, what should we do? Sharing her own experiences of losing two infant children and of those she has surveyed, we see how we can help the grieving in deep and meaningful ways.

Guthrie's style is warm, loving, and on point. Knowing what to say, what to do is usually difficult. No two people grieve in the same way or in the same time frame. Thus, she takes us through the "hows" and "whens" to speak and act at various times and places during the process of grieving. Most importantly, at least to me, what to say and not to say. Common unhelpful phrases and actions are covered and why we should avoid them. Alternatively, encouraging and thoughtful words and actions are suggested. As people grieve, we need to understand that they are not thinking as logically perhaps as we are at the moment. Stuffing scripture down their throats is not always as helpful as we may think. We also can't fix their grieving. It takes time. What many want most is to know that we have come along side them in their grieving and will be there whenever we're needed.

Besides the loads of useful advice, it is well footnoted and has scripture and subject indices. I found this book most helpful. I recommend this to every elder & deacon and to every church library.

This was a difficult read for me. I realized how often I have failed those around me grieving a death. I repeatedly felt the twinge of guilt for mishandling a situation. But this was a necessary read as well. We need to love those around us who are grieving but we often, very often, don't know how. This book is a gift to every Christian to learn how to love those who are grieving.

Crossway has provided a complimentary copy of this book through Beyond the Page.